Of Bad Music and Shame

Dear Vinyl,

I really like bad 80s music, but I'm ashamed to admit it. How do I overcome this?

From,

Hooked On Excellent Sounds

•••

Dear HOES (*giggle*),

Try telling your dog. Dogs think that their owners are the best people in the world, so repeat after me:

"Fido, I like bad 80's music."

Your dog will proceed to turn their head and try to lick your face. After getting it out to your dog, try your cat, baby cousin, etc. until you can tell your parents. They might disown you, or give you a copy of SGT PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND. Hopefully the latter, since the Beatles can cure everything.

Sincerely,

EJE

Hooked--

BAD EIGHTIES MUSIC? Is it AMERICAN?

If you want to become more comfortable admitting the fact, try telling one person who can then tell everyone else. Then they'll all be laughing about it behind your back instead of in your face! Isn't that good?

Best wishes,

IBI

Dear Hooked,

Your shame is quite unnecessary. Unless displaying your low-self esteem is your goal, I would advise you to either profess your obsession to the world (i.e. social networking sites, ) or eradicate its presence in your thoughts rather than trying to hide it. Eradication of this affliction may be easiest if you listen to one song, for example, "Mary had a little lamb", over and over and over and over again. Then, instead of being obsessed with 80s music, you'll be unable to get this nursery-rhymey song out of your head for long enough to think about any other form of music.

Yours truly, etc,

OMO

Ok, are you trying to overcome the bad 80s music liking or the being ashamed of it? Because I see but one problem and it is not your self esteem issues...

Anyway, to cure this whole liking-bad-music thing, I suggest you try going to an ORTHODONTIST.

That is right. You see, orthodontists are known for playing extensive amounts of bad 80s music. And trust me, once you have had a wad of clay shoved into your mouth, followed by an enormous metal torture contraption and hours of tooth polishing (a nice name for grinding your teeth with tiny, demonic wheels), while listening to the music you love, you will NEVER EVER be able to listen to it the same way. That should cure you of your sad affliction.

Love,

Clyde